Few days back I had a dream, rather a nightmare. I was walking down a lonely road. Actually the road wasn’t lonely, I was alone. Sometime later, I saw my friend coming from the other side. She too saw me, but we just ignored each other. Why??? Nothing was wrong between us. Then I turned back & called her, she turned & threw a plastic smile at me. I was kinda spellbound. I just managed to ask how she was, she just said that she was fine & left after saying that she was getting late. After few steps, I saw a bunch of other friends. They talked among themselves but nobody noticed me. I thought of going & talking to them but I didn’t. I moved ahead. Well that’s it.
This is not just a dream. This proves that even my unconscious mind is aware of my feeling. The worm has been eating up my mind. I dunno what’s so wrong with me Maybe nothing. I’m just too tired. Tired of this life. Even a year back I dreaded death. But today I’m completely ready to accept it. Sometimes I feel if I was dead, may be things would have been better. Hoyto more gele hoto beshi bhalo….Though I don’t want to die, but I’m ready to accept it. I’m just 21, yet I have no hope, no aim, no ideal. What am I running for? What’ll happen to me at the end? Everyone is running to the land of nowhere. We spend our whole life either studying or working, b a dog just to have a happy old age, that too is not an assured gift from life. U can just die rich, economically bt whether u’ll smile n die…that’s a completely different question. The society has nothing to offer. It’s a complete anarchy what is going on at present. Cases close n never get solved. Girls are ill-treated openly n nobody offers a helping hand but enjoys. I have the right to vote. But what’s the use? None of the leaders, party inspires me. I don’t know where life will take me to.
When I feeling like this, I shudder at the thought of future. There’s hardly anyone who is there, rather who has time to spend with me. Spending time is something much to ask, they don’t even have time to say just a plain n simple Hi! Everyone is busy in their lives. Only I still have time to think about them, miss them…dunno till how long will I b able to continue. But I love them. God bless them.
I want to finish it with an instance that happened with my cousin bro. Ribhu, who is in class VII now, has to take up an additional subject. His mother asked him to choose him himself, on the basis of his career interest, So he was asked: "Tor boro hoye ki hote ichha kore?” He came up with his ready answer: “Amar boro hoye kichhu hote ichha korena. Amar boro hotei ichha korena. Sharadin mathe bat ball niye khelte ichha kore.” What more can I say? Poor soul, poor us! God help everyone!